It's been 8 years since I was first diagnosed with clinical depression, and I'm currently on the worst and longest episode I've ever experienced. Even though today was a really bad day, I still went into the kitchen and got on with it. The worst thing that a depressed person could do is do absolutely nothing.
So, I got the stuff I needed for a sponge cake (which is also known as the Victoria cake, named after by Queen Victoria, who liked having it with her afternoon tea):
250g butter 1 cup caster sugar 1 tsp vanilla extract 4 eggs (at room temperature) 2 cups self-raising flour, sifted jam for filling icing sugar for dusting
I preheated the oven to 175C. I then got two round 20cm cake pans, lined it with baking paper, then sprayed it with cooking spray.
I combined the butter, sugar and vanilla with an electric mixer on medium speed. Once it was light and fluffy, I started adding the eggs in one at a time.
This time, I actually remembered to check first if the egg was fresh. I cracked it open into a separate bowl before adding it in to the butter mixture. I once made the mistake of cracking an egg open straight into a mixture, and well... rotten egg and all ended up in the rubbish bin.
Anyway, when I had added in all the eggs, I started to panic mildly when my butter mixture turned into an unpleasantly lumpy consistency. However, I soldiered on and transferred everything into a larger bowl.
After adding in the flour in two batches, I had a doughy consistency, much to my relief. I then proceeded to transfer the mixture as equally as possible between the two baking pans.
I had another bout of panic because the mixture was so sticky, it wasn't sitting quite right in my pans, no matter how I tried to spread them out. However, not to worry, spread them out as best you can, because it'll spread out further once in the oven.
I popped those babies into the oven for 20 minutes, and took them out once the knife I slid in came out clean.
I lifted the cakes out from the pans and put them on wire racks to cool.
Once cool enough to touch, I turned one of the cakes over on to a plate, took off the baking paper and spread raspberry jam on top. You can use whichever jam you prefer, or cream filling, or both.
I decided to go with raspberry jam only. I then turned the other cake over on top, and sprinkled it with icing sugar on top. Too bad I couldn't find any paper doilies to make a pattern above.
Ta-da. It's nice, light, airy and not too dry. The sweetness was just right too. But I'm more of a moist cake fan, and the amount of butter put me off a little, so I don't think I'm going to be making this one too often.
As for my mood, it's no better than when I started. But the sense of accomplishment is so much better than simply choosing to do nothing.
oh my gosh! that looks delish. i wish i had the ingredients avail for me to bake whatever when my hearts desires. but unfortunately, my arts and crafts fill that void! i'd get too dangerous if i had everything readily available.
ReplyDeleteand toni, i was depressed for a LONG time too. in a very toxic and unhealthy relationship. it wasn't until i told myself i had to stop being my own worst enemy - but start becoming my own best friend... that things started changing for me.
i know it's easier said than done - oh, trust me... i know.
come by and let me know if there's anything i can do. sometimes, for me, it was just someone to listen who would not pass judgement that did the trick.
dorothy
thanks Dorothy :) I may take you up on that offer someday. :)
Deletei may not be a lot of things; but one thing i try to be conscious of is becoming the change i wish to see in the world.
ReplyDeletethe many years i was going through my own depression and struggling to find my sense of self - i remember that feeling of "alone-ness." even though i had my friends and family... i felt like i could only open up or tell them about so much because they were, indeed, "too close" --if that makes any sense.
i found more solace in opening up to complete strangers who didn't have any knowledge on my prior history to connect with - and needless to say, those relationships have been a lot more spiritually healthy in different ways for me as i continues to personally grow and develop.
i don't know about you - but it's hard for me to make friends or connect with people on an intellectual level the older i get (i'm also 27) but i still strive to do and be what i can - because i know the feeling and would never wish that upon even my worse of enemies (if i had any!) :)
btw, i'm at msorothyd(at)yahoo - not msorothyd@gmail. eheh.